Lost In Beauty-

Monday, March 1, 2010

Dear Wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night.

You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case...I'm gone.

Signed,

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!
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Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work.

Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl",,, but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla',,,was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.
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tats fr th 1Lacro blog. hope they dun mind.. or if dey'll even come here.. watever. 2day we had spot check PART TWO. lol. samantha passed haha so heng. i will nvr NOT pass fingernail check. for obvious reasons.. charlene was damn pissed she didnt pass nail check. her nails not long one lor so weird. audrey oso nvr pass nails. alot other ppl oso. nail check is th fall of ppl..!!! 2moro got 50min chi test thing. is tat CT? or some random chi test? again. no nid study but WTH gonna FAIL. shps chi v lan k so shps ppl who come here note tat if ur chi dere isnt v good, u will DIE in...most sec schs lah. even if ur chi dere is good, u will still DIE ok. i told my bro i was using th come to check email. den he came in n was like, who knew u had to type so much for email? full of bs lor he. my father yesterday say 2nite bring me n bro buy phone coz our contract over. den juz now my bro suddenly say "i want iphone". n i'm like, yes, i noe n ya i dun care. coz ns cant bring in cam hp which is such a weird rule. k gonna tag back th AWESOME GRACELYN[y do ppl like to call themselves awesome so much nowadays?] n c how dana's n grace's ~~dead~~ blogs. oh n also emily's coz she asked me to. i think. supposed do work now. haha but mum not home yet n 2moro no hw due. k i scared mum come back le buh bye

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